We’ve all got a horror story, haven’t we? That nightmare client or employee, the thought of whom still brings you out in a cold sweat. In the spirit of Hallowe’en we thought we’d go around the fire and share our favourite chilling tales from the world of work… names have been changed to protect the innocent!

Things going bump in the night

“5am Fiona could NOT hold on to an assistant. I worked for her for a couple of months, and whilst she was your basic nightmare boss – Miranda Priestly eat your heart out – the reason she went through PAs at such a rate of knots soon became clear. On my first morning with her, she had me memorise the PIN to her company credit card. Ostensibly this was so I could use it to buy corporate gifts etc (this was before the days of contactless payment) but the real reason soon became clear. 5am Fiona used to spend an awful lot of time in Soho members clubs after social events and would often need to get a cab home after kicking out time. This was when back when taxis were cash only, so she often had to get some notes out at the cashpoint before flagging down a cab… only all the refreshments she’d had throughout the evening would completely wipe her PIN from memory. Solution? Wake up your PA in the middle of the night and demand they recite it to you slowly as you drunkenly key in the numbers!”

The Banshee

“The promotional pens, oh god, the promotional pens. I’m not saying the client was demanding, but if he’d asked for the moon on a stick I wouldn’t have raised an eyebrow, just looked at how to get it sent out as quickly and cheaply as possible.

He needed some promotional items for a massive project. Despite the warnings about lead and shipping times he left it till days past the last minute to decide on his choices, so I spent a good few hours on the phone to Tom at the printing company sweet-talking him into pushing through a rush job and shipping to both Berlin and Toulouse in time for the launch. I was feeling quietly proud of getting it all done before my phone rang and I answered to a banshee screaming as me, demanding to know why half the package had arrived in Berlin when he’d made it clear that it was all to go to Toulouse.  

I took immense pleasure in repeating verbatim the conversation we’d had about shipping to both offices, recalling dates, times and also the highly inappropriate comment he’d made about the receptionist at the Berlin site.”

The Phantom Assistant

“Young Alex had so many gifts, it’s just that turning up to work wasn’t necessarily one of them.”

The Haunted Biscuit Tin

“I was very generously gifted a tin of biscuits that doubled as a music box and played a tune when you opened the lid to get at the biscuits. What I hadn’t realised was that the sensor in it was RIDICULOUSLY sensitive and would sometimes start to play if it even got nudged. Which was fine during the day but when I was working late one night in a deserted office and bumped the desk that it was sitting on with my hip as I walked past… well, let’s just say there was a/ screaming and b/ a lot of spilled tea to clean up.”

 The call is coming from inside the house!

“My first boss had an office at the back of her house that we’d both work from. It was never not a weird experience – she used to veer between loving being able to work at home to monstrous rage about having to let people use her bathroom or kitchen, and you could never tell which mood she would be in.

I knew it was time to leave when she started taking days off but not going out – instead staying home all day, phoning the office line from her mobile to demand I bring her cups of tea in bed.”

Until next time!

Stay spoooooooooky!